Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Coon Crazies!

I have a disease.

I blame my mom.

When my mother was growing up, she had a pet raccoon. I've heard many stories about this cute little critter, but my favorite tales are the Nilla Wafer stories.

See, raccoons are very fastidious beasts. We will set aside for a moment that they eat out of our trashcans. But they love to wash their food in running water, which is probably the key to their longevity, ability to pick locks and fatness.

My mother's little pet would go street rat crazy at the mere whiff of a Nilla Wafer. But his little furry brain couldn't grasp the temporal nature of a cookie. He would grab the wafer and run to the nearest source of water and scrub the little cookie until it disappeared, leaving a mad, hungry coon. Apparently this was repeated many times, until the little guy overcame his genetic programming and learned to eat unwashed Nilla Wafers.

I believe that my mother somehow had some of this raccoon's DNA accidentally grafted onto hers and then passed it on to me.

I wash my food. I wash all my vegetables with vegetable soap until they squeak. I rinse meat under running water, because research shows most bacteria can be removed from the surface this way. Yes, I have read too many books about E Coli and campylobacter. BUT REALLY IT'S THE RACCOON'S FAULT!

Yesterday, on my walk, I suddenly realized that I never wash frozen vegetables!!OMG. WHY DID I JUST ASSUME FROZEN VEGETABLES ARE CLEAN?? THIS IS HOW RACCOONS GET KILLED, PEOPLE!!!

I'm totally scarred now and afraid to open my freezer. Thank God my stamps aren't in there.

I decided to stamp something CLEAN to get over the shudders.

Aaah - doesn't this make you feel better about your dirty, dirty broccoli? :)

I used the direct to paper technique for the background, with Pear Pizazz, Daffodil Delight and Tangerine Tango - just scraping the edge of the ink pad along the cardstock.

Then I stamped my gorgeous little birds from Clearly For You and the sentiment from Grateful Greetings in Basic Black and kapow - a clean & striking thank you card.

If you're in Austin, be sure and email me to get added to my invitation list for classes - I have a great class coming up next weekend!

I better go wash some cookies!


18 comments:

  1. Girl, you most definitely have coon crazies. Do you eat those frozen veggies right out of the bag? or do you cook them? You do realize that cooking will kill the bacteria! Bwahahaha!

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  2. Haha! Melody is right! This was a great start to my day! Thanks for the fun and giggles!

    Your card is just so cool. I am going to go try that right now!

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  3. ROTFLOL
    Raccoons are the best story makers.... A friend said one got into her garbage after they had had Chinese food and she spied it after it finished eating. It walked over to her pool to wash his hands and face. Hee hee.
    Love, love, love your card In fact, I must go use that technique right now... Bye.
    *smile*

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  4. ROFLOL!! The thought of those foods being cooked did cross my mind Miss Lydia!! Very cute story!! When I want to smile I visit your blog. :-) Hugs!! Judi

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  5. Great story -- and I love the background of the card too!!

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  6. ROFL! I sympathize, for I too am a meat-rinsing, fruit-and-veggie washing girl. I don't typically wash my frozen veggies, but the ones that aren't the steam in the bag variety always at least get a rinse before I cook them.

    Just one more piece of evidence for the case that we were separated at birth.

    Love the card, the background is awesome!

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  7. I always thought racoons were sweet little bandits who hump walked across the roads at night...that was...until FOUR of them attacked my girlfriend and her dog...totally unprovoked. Ripped both of them to shreds...they are vicious horrible little beasties in my eyes now. Her dog survived after surgery and she permanently damaged her vocal cords screaming for help. Hearing her tell the story brings me to tears.
    Be VERY afraid!!!

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  8. oh..sorry I guess I got carried away...your card is delightful!! Can I CASE the technique for my club ladies??????

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  9. GREAT card and I LOVED reading your post (as usual!)!!! Thanks for the laugh - it has been stressful getting this big move under way and I appreciated the giggles that your post cause after a long and tiring day! I could just picture the raccoon sitting there and rubbing a vanilla wafer to smithereens in some water ;) Sounds like something my 3 year-old would do. Sometimes I question his sanity... ;)

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  10. Great card, Lydia! Thanks for the inspiration! A friend of mine lives in the foothills of northern California (think: "thar's gold in them hills") and leaves water bowls outside for her many furry visitors. She does find gold flakes in the water bowls and thinks they are from the racoons who wash their food in them, lol!!

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  11. Love your card and 'coon story. A few years ago we lived in Arkansas and there was a window in the pantry, (must be an Arkie thing.) One night while rummaging for things for supper, I turned around only to come face to face with another masked face. Needless, to say my scream made it down to the neighbors as I'm pretty sure the coons did too. After that one, a curtain went up. No more peeping coons at my canned goods. ;)

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  12. Lydia, I can always count on you to have a great story to make me laugh! (or cry) You have a wonderful storytelling ability. Some people can tell funny stories and other people can tell stories funny. You are the latter and I absolutely adore you! :D
    DAILY WORD: ellyerma - "Ell, yer ma called and said to git yourself back home right now!"

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  13. I love those birds, but they don't meet the 50% rule for the set. So sad.

    Love the direct-to-paper idea!

    wv: solmite

    In the US you'd be my soul mate, but in Oz you're my solmite.

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  14. Oh, you are so funny. Love your stories.

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  15. ROFL!! What an awesome post. I am so glad I'm not the only germ-a-phob out there. :)

    I love your card, it turned out so well. I tired something like that over the weekend, but it was awful and is now lining by birds cage. :)

    Thank you for the wonderful laugh.
    Carole

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  16. Lydia, you are too funny! I love the raccoon stories and hadn't ever thought to scrub my frozen veggies, hopefully any nasty microbes get inactivated by the freezer burn?

    Love the card...will definitely have to try the DTP inkpad swipes and pull out the little birdies from that set and ink them up.

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  17. Hi there!

    I saw your incredibly amazing card over at SCS's gallery. I love it! The colors are so cheery and the birds are so bold. It is a wonderful card. Thank you so much for sharing!

    I guess I still suffer from my eating disorders...I worry about washing food all of the time...even if it is being cooked. And, I will NEVER get the whole raw egg thing!

    He IS Able,
    Traci S.
    Blog-o-Versary with Blog Candy at:
    http://He-IS-Able.blogspot.com

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