Saturday, March 19, 2011

600 Pounds of Poop Later....

Yes. That's right. 600 pounds of poop. Cow poop, to be completely specific.

I took 12 50 pound bags of cow poop and spread their contents all over my flowerbeds yesterday.

After raking two leaf bags worth of stupid oak leaves out of those beds and weeding.

Every. Thing. On. My. Body. Hurts. Some places that hurt have bug bites.

But don't cry for me Argentina.... I have another far more important topic to discuss.

If you are part of the industry that makes "puncture proof" gardening gloves, I want you to scooch up REALLY close to your monitor right now. Yep - a little closer.

YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF LIARS!! If I could fling cow poop at you (I can't because I'm too sore) I so would. Or perhaps a fire ant. Or 20. Maybe the spider that bit me on my shin.

How can you even be allowed to sell this product? How have you not been struck by lightning?

Here's what we're going to do.

We are going to have a meeting. You are going to be wearing your product from head to toe. I will have just a lowly dewberry vine, which my yard is infested with, and two branches of my thorny salvia bush. I am going to press these all over you and you are going to talk to me about how great your product is and how it will keep me from getting mercilessy poked to death when I work in the yard.

Then you are most likely going to change careers.

Hmph. I am mad at you, in case you couldn't tell.

Luckily, the webcam didn't show my battle scars yesterday when I did a little live streaming of my stamping. I wanted to show a fun new variation on kissing, so I made a quick, simple card.

What's cool about this variation is I used two complementary colors instead of using a dry stamp for the "kiss". I inked up my monogram stamp in River Rock, inked up Bella Toile in Poppy Parade and then kissed...


I added some tinsel trim (retired) and crown bling, and the greeting is from Happy Everything (retired).

Fun, eh? Leslie liked it on the live crafty cam so much she made one and blogged it here. It's absolutely stunning on Ornate Blossom.

Give it a try! Show me if you do.

If you need me, I'll be poking dewberry vines into a glove rep!!


11 comments:

  1. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I would love to see you pull off that meeting. I bet those execs will run for the hills before you'd get them into a room! omg, I am still laughing!

    And thanks for the shout-out! I LOOOVE these colors with that technique!

    WV: portlabl
    1. The label on your bottle of Port.
    2. A portable label maker.

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  2. Love the card! I am surprised you were able to turn out something that lovely after being eaten alive by the dewberry!

    Had fun watching you stamp...can't wait to see what you make next!

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  3. LOL..poor Lydia..I have to say, I love my new house..today I weeded the whole garden in about 15 minutes ;-)

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  4. Great tutorial. Holy crap - pun intended - lol. 600 pounds!! We're talking serious poopage. You should send the manufacturer a copy of the portion of your blog that refers to their amazing product. They would laugh, true, but they WOULD get the point.

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  5. Oh my cowwwwwwwssss! You poor girl! But thanks for livening up this sun room in MI for the morning! I'm sharing rhis all around! haha

    ~Bev

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  6. ohhh... this makes me wanna go put al lmy stamps together and have a make out session! how fun! (why didn't I ever think of this before???) le sigh!

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  7. Well now that you've done all your work you can "B" happy, just like your lovely card says....
    *smile*

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  8. I would like to join you in that meeting! I tore out all my rose bushes to avoid getting poked! Now my lime tree is another story!!

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  9. Sorry that you hurts so bad! Your card is beautiful.
    Hugs and smiles

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  10. Your card/monogram is gorgeous. I'll have to give that technique a go.

    Meanwhile, your rant amused me, though I feel badly for you, of course. I also think that in addition to making the manufacturers roll around in thorns, they should then roll through your poopy flower beds. Just sayin'.

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  11. Only you could be so amazingly creative in the midst of such nasty suffering. They should not be able to sell those gloves. Hope you heal quickly! Hugs

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